Spring Thoughts

Ever have it where something happens in your life then you sit and think about it– like really think about it. You think about what this thing meant to you and who you were before it and how it’s changed you since. And you think about what life would have been like without that thing in the first place and where you’d be now if it never happened. You think about why this thing was so important and why you’ve spent so much time thinking about it.

And by the time you realize just how long you’ve been thinking about that something.. it’s been a year. A whole year since that something has even been apart of your life. What a waste of so many precious thoughts that could have been used for beneficial growth, ya know?

It’s crazy how caught up I can get in my own head. Circulating thoughts again and again as if it’s some how going to change what has happened and is already over and done with. Note to self: RETHINKING SOMETHING THAT HAS ALREADY HAPPENED WILL NOT CHANGE THE WAY IT HAPPENED. RETHINKING IN THIS SENSE IS WORRYING. WORRYING IS USELESS.

(interlude)

Worry Worry Worry Worm.
Thinking fuzzy thoughts, Squirm.
Itch. Scratch. Tingle.
Head too full to mingle.

(interlude over)

I don’t know anymore. It’s like everything has changed so much that there’s no longer any familiarity to reach for. I feel as though I am being pulled by a string but I don’t know where it’s headed. As though my car is on autopilot and I’m just looking out the window– trying to understand where I am and how I’ve gotten here and where the hell I’m headed.